Christmas

If anything illustrates the difference between the sexes it just has to be Christmas!
Most of the guys I know will be happy to see the end of it all and we can fully understand the 'Bah Humbug' club which was recently publicised on TV. It is not that we begrudge the kids a treat,it is not that we don't want to buy our loved ones a present but Christmas has been turned into a gigantic orgy of extravagance and it is the women who have done it.

For weeks ahead they plan, organize, conspire and plot for this day of all days while the men just shake their heads and go along with it all. Most of us would happily have a few pints, shake a few hands, enjoy a family dinner and get on with life but is that enough? Oh no... not in today's modern female world. We must search for clues as to what she wants. If we miss the clues then we are in the doghouse. If we don't enthuse over every expense we are in the doghouse. If we don't take an interest we are in the doghouse.

Christmas makes us men vulnerable on all fronts. Do we normally go present shopping? Do we know where to go? How many of us have a degree in present wrapping? Are we experts in decorating a bloody Christmas tree? Do we care? The whole thing has become a nightmare and tomorrow night when I meet my mates at my bowls club we will no doubt swop horror stories!

Still that is the lot of the elderly male. This year I am ahead of the game because I learned my lesson years ago that waiting until the last week or two before you think of a present is a bad idea. The good thing is that with typical male cunning I always get the best advice. One thing that I discovered in my years of military service is that you must surround yourself with the best talent and that is how I survive Christmas.

I lean heavily on my daughter!! Guys that is the answer. If you think you have a great idea you must first run it past your daughter or a close female friend of your wife. Generally you suddenly discover that your brilliant idea was in fact crap but because you have made the effort then you find that your ally knows exactly what the perfect present would be. You will gain so many brownie points you will actually become quite smug.

Perhaps I should write a book about how to survive Christmas but then after all it only lasts three months. Merry Christmas to all of you who have found me. Hopefully next year we will see some sanity return to our country but somehow I have my doubts.